Venice Surf Report 8/6/07 Shocking News from the Boyos

The steady onshores are not helping out what is a very meager swell sitaution today. Knee high(--), crumbly, and with absolutely no oomph whatsoever.



Bring a book if you plan on paddling out.

Guy and Alex took one look and bailed, nobody else even thinking about it, nobody out but plenty of street parking

Saw Christian early yesterday as I prepared to paddle out.

"Hey Matt, this website thing of yours, it's really starting to freak me out" he said.

"What do you mean?"

"Last night I was walking down the street here and there's this guy leaning up against the newspaper machine. As I walk by he looks right at me and says "Hey Christian, what's up?". I didn't think anything of it, 'cause that happens a 100 times a day now, but as I walk by I look at him and I say - Hey, you're Billy Idol!"

"And sure enough, it was" Christian tells me.

"Really? Billy Idol? How did he know who you were?" I ask

"I guess through the website, but here's the best part - he asks me Hey, Christian, what's it like being homeless?"

"What'd you say?"

"I told him that I'm not HOMELESS, I am a TRANSIENT! HA HA HA HA!"

"No way, you really said that?" I ask

"Yeah, and then he asks me if I need any help so I said, sure, I could use some beer money, so he pulls out a roll of 100s and 20s and what looked like it must have been a million dollars and you know what he gave me?"

"How much?"

"Two bucks! HA HA HA! I think he was fucking with me, but hey, two bucks is two bucks."

"That's true" I reply. "Still, pretty cool that you met Billy Idol."

"Yeah, it was."

So, who knows if it's true or not, but it makes a great story. Billy, if you're reading this feel free to confirm.

Later on I went down to see what the boyos were doing with their afternoon and even I was not prepared for what I saw.

I guess time weighs more heavily on some people than others, because to pass the time the boyos were playing with a Dragon Fire 100,000 Volt stun gun.

Here is its owner proudly showing it off.





Essentially a pocket sized cattle prod, this little beauty, according to its description, causes "loss of balance and muscle control, total mental confusion and disorientation". They could probably put that same label on "Hurricane" by Anheuser Busch, what with its High Gravity and all, but that's another story.

Long story short it quickly devolved it someone daring Christian to apply the Dragon Fire to his genitals. And Christian, never one to pass up a dare, took up the gauntlet and decided to see how his manhood reacted to 100K Volts.

Nothing I could write could possibly do justice to the following photos, so enjoy.





















And Victor, after laughing so hard he almost pissed his pants, couldn't help but start doing........ The Monkey!









Needless to say, my sides are still hurting today from how hard I laughed.

I wonder how much the 1MM Volt version costs?