Venice Surf Report 09/24/07 The Hobo 500

Venice Surf Report Venice Beach CA Surf Conditions Venice Pier Surf Report





Still chest high(+), but very walled and with absolutely no shape. Kind of odd as there is a +5 ft high at 8:40am, guess the angle is just wrong or there is no secondary swell to cross it up.

At any rate we are still well inside the 72 hr rule so given the conditions I would give it a big pass.



Not surprisingly nobody out.

Well I finally got around to it yesterday - we ran the first ever Hobo 500.

As you probably know from reading the site the boyos, almost without exception, keep whatever personal belongings they have in a stolen/abandoned baby carriage. A couple weeks ago when trying to come up with something fun for the boyos to do I thought to myself: why not have them race their carriages around the parking lot down at the pier? It would be good exercise for them and given enough alcohol it should almost certainly be entertaining if not dangerous.....hell yes, let's do it.

But at the time there were just too many people at the pier on the weekends and too much heat to do it without somebody going to jail, and I definitely didn't want that to happen, no matter how fucking funny it would be.

But, summer has come and gone and yesterday, after watching a couple of early football games, and having a couple of well deserved beers with them, I decided the time had come.

So, off I went to the pier hoping to find enough of a crew to run the race.

I was not disappointed as Kenny, Christian, Randy, Ashley, Victor, Tommy, Lucky, the Cap'n and (the other guy, I can't remember his name) were all there keeping watch at the picnic tables. I told them I was ready to run the race and this was their reaction -



Then I told them there were cash prizes for 1st and 2nd, which got them all on board immediately.

The rules of the race were simple - the owner of the carts - Kenny, Christian and Randy - would race them from the picnic tables to the bathrooms and back, no holds barred and cheating encouraged.

However, there was one requirement for entry into the race, and that was that all of the drivers had to chug a beer right before the start. Needless to say this was not a problem, and Kenny thought that, since I was buying, that I should "make everyone chug two - no, three!"

One was enough, though, so off I went to "the little fucking Korean" for a satchel of brewskis.

I returned and handed them out to the drivers and their pit crews. And, like a pit stop, they had 60 seconds to finish their beer so they were soon chugging away.







Ooh, gotta get that burp out before I chug some more.



As each contestant finished they had to turn their can up to prove that they had indeed finished all the malt liquor.

Now, I know what you're thinking - that's awfully mean to make them abuse alcohol just to qualify for this race. But it was done as a safety measure. Remember, these guys were about to hit speeds that in some cases might go as high as 2-3 HPM (hours per mile); I just wanted to make sure they all had enough "High Gravity" to keep them firmly planted on the track.

So, soon enough cans were polished off, turned up and everyone gets ready to race.







As you can see, Randy, Gold Medal winner in The 2007 Hobolympics Chug-Of-War, doesn't look too hot.



He had been drinking pretty heavily all day already, and probably didn't need the beer, but he sure needed the money and the exercise, so he lined up raring to go.

The drivers get their carts, line up and get ready to race. As you can see, there was quite a crowd lining the track preparing to cheer on their favorite hobo.



On your mark......get set.....



GO!



It was a clean start and as you can see, Kenny jumps out to an early lead, with Randy and Christian running side by side behind him.






As they get ready to make the turn Kenny has pulled out to a substantial lead with 2nd and 3rd place still running side by side. Notice the tourists wondering what the fuck is going on with these 3 homeless guys running full bore at them, each pushing a baby carriage full of rags, beer cans and dirty sleeping bags.



Here they make the turn as the tourists continue to look on in horror.



Coming down the back stretch you can see Kenny really putting the pedal to the metal; he wants that money, and bad.







His efforts are rewarded as he passes the finish line in first place.



2nd and 3rd are still on the line, though, and Christian does not want to get shut out of the money. Here you can see he has lost his hat and is giving the old USMC war cry as he strains to make that last push down the back stretch.









His efforts are rewarded with a finish in the money in 2nd place.



And Randy? Well, Randy quit running about 4 ft from the turn, so Christian's effort was pretty much unnecessary.










In fact, by the time he made it back to the line Kenny was already half way through his victory beer. Here he is flashing the V for victory sign as he finishes it off.







I had tried unsuccessfully to get Kenny to shake the beer and spray the crowd a la F1, but he was having none of that action. No, in true boyo fashion he stood right on the podium and chugged away.

Wouldn't it be cool as shit to see an F1 driver do that?

I can just picture Fernando Alonso, after being handed the trophy and a magnum of champagne, throwing the trophy on the ground, popping the cork and pounding down the whole bottle, culminating in him leaning over the rail and hurling on the crowd. Now that's racing!

They were at least willing to pose with their winnings, $15 for first, $5 for second.



And in true boyo fashion the money was immediately pooled and the Cap'n was dispatched to the "little fucking Korean" for more beers.

On his return beers were passed around and the post race party began. A song came on the radio that everyone liked and an impromptu dance off happened. Here you can see some of the boyos' moves.











Well, the race had been a big success and seeing as a couple of arguments were starting to break out (a common occurence once a certain critical mass of malt liquor consumption has been reached) I decided to call it a day. I did see Tommy, Victor and Lucky on the way out and even they had been included in the post race party. Here they are showing off their share of the prize pool.



All in all it was a good time. I had some fun, they made some money and I feel good in knowing that they at least got some exercise.

Oh, who the fuck am I kidding? I laughed my ass off, had a couple of beers on a beautiful, sunny day and the boyos terrorized the tourists. A resounding success all around.

Until next time........