Richard Simmons Is Persuasive

As you are probably aware there is a charged and emotional debate being waged as you read this concerning the future of Physical Education in our nation's schools. Facing severe budget cuts and the need to make some hard choices many schools have decided to eliminate that most cheirshed of all clases, gym.

That doesn't sit well with some, and the pro-P.E. crowd today trotted out its Top Gun of Gym, Richard Simmons, who achieved fame and fortune with such diverse mega-hits as "Sweating with The Oldies" and "Sweating with the Oldies II", to testify before Congress.

Fitness guru Richard Simmons urged Congress Thursday morning to keep and expand physical education in American public schools.

"What have we done to the kids of the United States of America?" Simmons told Congress Thursday, speaking passionately and shaking his hands vigorously. "This is wrong. ...I just may run for office to help really get this through."

Simmons’ testimony comes as budget cuts are forcing public schools to scale back or eliminate physical education programs. Simmons and his supporters held a rally after the testimony.

Simmons went on to say that some of his "fondest memories of high school occured in the boys' locker room" and that gym class had taught him to be "the man that I am today".

Moments after his testimony Congress voted 432-3 to permanently ban all Physical Education classes in all schools, both public and private, made teaching or attending gym a capital offense and put a $50,000 bounty on the head of all Phys. Ed. teachers.

The bill is now awaiting the President's signature; he is expected to sign it.