Venice Surf Report 07/31/08 Dave Shows Up

Venice Surf Report Surf Report Venice Beach The Boyos

A little more size out there today....






I would call it in the chest high range, maybe a bit bigger on the standouts, but still a little bit walled due to the lowish tide. As the tide continues to fill in towards the high at 10:05 it should get more manageable on the shape, and if the wind stays mild and the size holds tonight will have some real potential.





Of course, that and 50 cents will get you a newspaper, but still, a man can hope.

One out south, two out north, two more getting in, overcast and calm winds. Overall grade: C++.

So, I am sitting on my back porch yesterday wondering why my tomato and corn plants, which grew like gangbusters for three months and now have pretty much died, when who should walk by but Dave!





As you can see he has added a beard and has pretty much stopped washing - no, just kidding, actually Dave is dirty because he has been working pretty much every day.

"So Dave, where have you been staying, I saw that your old campsite is pretty much gone, huh?"

"Yeah, they tore that whole fence down so I had to find a new spot; it's real close to Mother's beach."

"Oh, that's good" I replied.

"Yeah, I've got this new buddy of mine and we watch each other's backs so it turns out OK. Plus, we have that liquor store just a couple hundred feet away which stays open real late so it's very convenient."

"Speaking of beer, you want one? I got some Tecates in this cooler from a couple weeks ago but they're kinda warm."

"Shit, I don't care, I'll take anything I can get!"

So, not only am I talking to my homeless buddy, which I am sure absolutely thrills the neighbors, I am now offloading all my warm and skunky beer from a party two weeks ago on him.

And what does Dave do? Does he shove them in his pockets and casually stroll off? Nope, he puts them on the fence, pops one, chugs it and proceeds to VERY LOUDLY puke it right back up in the middle of the parking lot.

Wonderful.

"Told you they were warm" I said.

"Boy, you weren't kidding.....arrrgggghhhoooooggghhh!!!!!!!"

"Hey Dave, think you could take the vomiting variety hour on the road?"

"Huh? Oh yeah, sure, sorry about that, I just wasn't thinking. Hey, gimme some towels and I'll clean this up" he said.

"That's okay dude, I'll hose it down."

"Oh, okay. well, thanks again, Matt, I really appreciate it."

"No problem. Talk to you soon."

"You bet."

And with that, and a little spray from the hose, all trace of him was gone.

Good to hear he is still working at least Maybe he can work on that vomit thing a little.

No Wonder They're Doing So Much Damage

As you can see from the picture below - taken from the front page of Yahoo - the deer population in America is causing billions and billions of dollars in damage due to the fact that they are "exploding".



I didn't get a chance to actually watch the video myself, but it seems pretty self-evident to me that if you have deer blowing up all over the place it's going to cause a lot of damage. I've run over a deer or two in my lifetime and let me tell you; that is one solid animal. I had an '87 Scirocco that had the whole left front quarter panel ripped off when I hit a doe going about 50 mph when I lived back in Connecticut and believe me, I wouldn't want to be anywhere near one of those things when it went off.

What I don't understand is exactly why the deer are exploding. Excess gas? Spontaneous combustion? A new weapon being designed by the military gone astray? Are these suicide deer from the Middle East maybe?

Whatever the cause I think that's what we should be focusing on, not the obvious fact that when a deer explodes it's going to do some damage.

What's The Big Deal?

Last Wednesday Keith Walendowski of Milwaukee, WI was out mowing his lawn when his lawn mower quit running. After several futile attempts to re-start the mower he did something we all have wanted to do, but haven't had the balls: he shot his lawnmower.

Walendowski is accused of shooting his lawn mower because it wouldn't start. According to the criminal complaint, Walendowski said he was angry because his Lawn Boy wouldn't start Wednesday morning, July 23, 2008. He told police quote, 'I can do that, it's my lawn mower and my yard so I can shoot it if I want.

I couldn't agree more. In fact, I said the same thing when the cops showed up wanting to know why I had punched my wife when she wouldn't start cleaning the house like I told her.

"It's my wife, I can beat her if I want."

Funny, it didn't fly then, either.

Venice Surf Report 07/30/08 Jingles Takes Safety To Heart

Looks pretty fun and racy out there this morning.

Had a long conversation with some of the boyos so didn't have much time for the surf photos, but there is a decent mix out there in the waist to chest high range that is super fast and hollow.





You can see that by the picture of Jaime getting completely barreled in this picture.



Definitely a morning for the shortboard crowd, as I think you would have a hard time getting in front of it on a longboard, but it certainly bodes well for up north I would think.



3 out on the south side, 6 out on the north, some street parking left and the standard early morning overcast, calm winds, kinda cool SoCal morning working.

The boyos were out in force this morning. Most notable was Jingles, who has made some rather interesting changes to the menagerie of dreamcatchers, paperclips, rags and other pieces of flair he hangs off his hat, creating a mobile of trash hanging around his head.

See if you can figure out what it is.



That's right, he has added a couple of reflectors off a (stolen) bike in order to increase his visibility to others at night.

At first I thought this was merely decorative, as he didn't have any of this type of adornment before, but he pointed out to me that since his own vision was so impaired due to his bizarre headgear it was critical that he made himself stand out to cars as he staggers around the boardwalk, especially at night.

Makes sense to me.

The boyos were there under their favorite shrub getting the morning off to a roaring start by pounding down a satchel full of Hurricanes by Budweiser, the beer with "Extra Gravity".



I guess this guy Johnny thought he was reporting for duty, as he snapped off a crisp salute as he saw me taking is picture.



We discussed the upcoming HobOlympics in great detail, and decided on a location and time. Due to the supposed Johnny Law intention to fuck with us should they find out where and when it will have to remain a secret for now, but I have BIG plans for this year's event. I do not think we will be disappointed as the cash prizes will be more substantial this year and the events much more thorough and degrading.

Finally, I saw this group on the beach this morning doing something which simply defied explanation. They were standing in a circle, holding hands and kept coming in towards each other while raising their hands over their heads. They must have done this 20-25 times by the time they quit but then quickly started doing some sort of weird dance/spasm, all the while singing and screaming at the top of their lungs.

















Since three of these people are wearing shirts that say "ask me about Laughter Yoga" I am assuming that is what this is, but frankly I think I had all my questions answered by watching these yahoos for 5 minutes this morning.

But maybe you DO want to know more about Laughter Yoga; well, believe it or not there are 6000 LY clubs in 60 countries. From their website:

Laughter Yoga is a unique concept developed by Indian physician, Dr. Madan Kataria. It is fast sweeping the world and is truly a life changing experience. It combines laughter exercises with yoga breathing which brings more oxygen to the body and brain making one feel more energetic and healthy. The concept is based on a scientific fact that the body cannot differentiate between fake and real laughter. One gets the same physiological and psychological benefits. Safe, easy and scientifically proven, Laughter Yoga is a lot of fun. Started with just five people in 1995, today it is a global phenomenon with over 6000 clubs in 60 countries.

Laughter Yoga is "a lot of fun"? Well, I should hope so.

And, believe it or not, it was started by an "Indian Doctor", a group that has proven its ability to separate gullible Americans from their money for about 50 years now.

My take: I sure as hell can tell the difference between "fake" and "real" laughter. If you doubt me just tell a really crude nigger joke at a crowded Popeye's Chicken at 1:00 am on a Saturday morning; believe me, it will soon become VERY apparent what the difference is between "real" and "fake" laughter. The guys who are beating you will be laughing for real, the feeble attempt you make to tell them you were "just kidding" as they kick your ass will be most definitely fake.

Venice never fails to surprise, does it?

Holy Fucking Shit

Wow, that was not much fun. A magnitude 5.8 earthquake just hit here and I rode it out on the 40th floor of the building in which I work.

Being from the Northeast, where earthquakes are pretty much non-existent, does not prepare you for a quake of this size. The first thing I noticed was when the entire building jumped about 4 ft. in the air. This was soon followed by a swaying motion that was not entirely linear, but rather uneven, with two or three jolts in particular especially violent. No furniture or anything came off the shelves, but you could definitely hear the pictures rattling and the plants moving back and forth.

It's weird what you think about when this happens. I pretty much just froze at my desk and waited for it to end, getting more apprehensive with each jolt. I would say it lasted about 20 seconds or so.

But - eventually - it ended. They are speaking on the PA for the building now telling us that "the building has experienced an earthquake" (no shit Sherlock) and are checking it for damage, but it sure seems as though everything is O.K.

Definitely scary.

Extreme Dumbfucks

I think we've all seen at least bits of the ABC show Extreme Makeover where some deserving family has their home refurbished or rebuilt.

And that's exactly what happened to the Harper family of Lake City GA back in 2005. The Extreme Makeover team, along with 1,800 volunteers and some sizeable donations from Beazer Homes, tore down their squalid shack and built them what is by all accounts a beautiful new home.

More than 1,800 people showed up to help ABC's "Extreme Makeover" team demolish a family's decrepit home and replace it with a sparkling, four-bedroom mini-mansion in 2005.

The house was built in January 2005, after Atlanta-based Beazer Homes USA and ABC's "Extreme Makeover" demolished their old home and its faulty septic system. Within six days, construction crews and hoards of volunteers had completed work on the largest home that the television program had yet built.

The finished product was a four-bedroom house with decorative rock walls and a three-car garage that towered over ranch and split-level homes in their Clayton County neighborhood. The home's door opened into a lobby that featured four fireplaces, a solarium, a music room and a plush new office.

Materials and labor were donated for the home, which would have cost about $450,000 to build. Beazer Homes' employees and company partners also raised $250,000 in contributions for the family, including scholarships for the couple's three children and a home maintenance fund.

So what did they do with this most generous gift? Mortgage it to the hilt, of course. And guess what? Now they can't afford the payments and are losing the house to foreclosure.

Three years later, the reality TV show's most ambitious project at the time has become the latest victim of the foreclosure crisis.

After the Harper family used the two-story home as collateral for a $450,000 loan, it's set to go to auction on the steps of the Clayton County Courthouse Aug. 5. The couple did not return phone calls Monday, but told WSB-TV they received the loan for a construction business that failed

There aren't even words to describe the contempt I have for these morons. They are GIVEN a beautiful new house, $250,000 in contributions and scholarsships for their kids but that wasn't enough. No, they have to mortgage the house, start a construction business just as the housing bubble bursts and not even three years later are getting tossed out.

You just can't fix stupid.

Venice Surf Report 07/29/08 Christian Gets The Shakes

Hmmm - even for Venice it looks especially crappy today.





I did get some reports that there were dome fun ones out there, but in the few minutes I watched it I didn't see anything worth writing home about. Swell is in the knee to waist high range but the winds have already started and are blowing onshore at about 5-7 kts already, putting a decent texture on the water.



Overall grade: D+

Nobody out, one getting in, lots of street parking, overcast and gloomy.

Tommy was out early this morning. As usual he had his head buried in the LA Times and I was running a bit late so didn't have time to chat, but it is good to see him keeping occupied.



As I was walking back to my car I was approached by a random hobo who was "sent over by Christian" to see f I could "give them some beer money."

"Why isn't Christian here asking me himself?" I asked.

"Dude, he's shaking so bad from the DT's he can't even get up; he needs a beer bad."

"I got a buck, that's it."

"Alright, we'll take it."



As I gave him the dollar I saw him scurry off to the bushes.

Some life, huh?

So, You Think Banks Don't Lie?

Merrill Lynch announced earnings 11 days ago and they were, in a word, absolutely fucking horrible.

Merrill Lynch posts 2Q loss; sells Bloomberg stake
Thursday July 17, 9:19 pm ET

The world's biggest brokerage announced a wider-than-expected $4.89 billion second-quarter loss and said it was selling assets -- its stake in media company Bloomberg LP for $4.4 billion and its Financial Data Services Inc. subsidiary for $3.5 billion.

After Wells Fargo & Co. and JPMorgan Chase & Co. announced stronger-than-expected earnings this week, Merrill's results served as a reminder that the credit crisis isn't fading. Global banks and brokerages have been forced to take some $300 billion of write-downs in the past year, an amount that some believe could grow to $1 trillion before the turmoil has passed.

So, they lost a ton of money, way more than expected, but they got a pass as the rest of the banks did better than expected.

In addition, John Thain, the CEO announced that the firm "had no plans to raise more capital" by saying the following when asked about whether or not Merrill planned to sell it's 49.8% stake in money manager Blackrock

"We would look at all of our options and decide what makes the most sense for the long-term interest of our shareholders," he said. "Right now we think we are in a good position, are well capitalized, and will continue to shrink our risk-weighted assets."

Oh, well, that's reassuring.

I guess those plans have changed, though, as about 10 minutes ago the company came out with the follwoing news release.

NEW YORK--(BUSINESS WIRE)--July 28, 2008 Merrill Lynch (NYSE: MER) today announced a series of actions to significantly reduce the company's risk exposures and further strengthen its capital position. These actions include:

-- Announced substantial sale of U.S. super senior ABS CDO(1)
securities, resulting in an exposure reduction of $11.1
billion from June 27, 2008

-- Agreement to terminate ABS CDO hedges with monoline guarantor
XL Capital Assurance Inc. ("XL") and settlement negotiations
with other monoline counterparties

-- Plans to issue new common shares with gross proceeds of
approximately $8.5 billion through a public offering launched
today (excluding a fifteen percent, or approximately $1.3
billion, option granted to the underwriter to purchase
additional shares of common stock to cover over-allotments)

-- Agreement that Temasek Holdings will purchase $3.4 billion of
common stock in the public offering, a portion of which is
subject to receipt of regulatory approvals

-- Exchange of all of the outstanding mandatory convertible
preferred securities for common stock or new preferred
securities, which eliminates the reset features in the
original securities

-- Purchase of approximately 750 thousand shares of common stock
in the public offering by executive management

So, even though they reported earnings LESS THAN TWO WEEKS AGO somehow, sometime between now and then, they found $5.7B more in losses, have decided to sell an addditional $8.5B in common equity shares (that's a 20% dilution of current shareholders), are selling a stake of the company worth $3.4B to Temasek (a Sovereign Wealth Fund in Singapore) and are basically telling all the convertible bond holders "tough shit, you are out of luck" as we are rescinding the original terms of the bonds we sold you.

Now, how this isn't criminal I don't know. Maybe John Thain will do the perp walk someday over this, but I doubt it.

Sure looks like it is time to buy more SKF.

Venice Surf Report 072808 A Close Call

Venice Surf Report Surfing Venice CA

Looking awfully weak out there again.

There is a semi-consistent swell in the knee to waist high range, but definitely lacking any punch. Conditions are OK with calm winds and a relatively clean surface, but we are headed towards a +3.5 ft high in the next hour or so and I have a feeling that may drown things out given the (lack of) size.





Still, if you need to get wet locally you should be able to snag a few here and there. Keep those expectations low and you won't be disappointed.





One out on either side of the pier, lots of parking left, overcast and calm. Overall grade: C

Pretty good weekend this past weekend. Did a lot of surfing and partying with some friends and overall I wish it was still Saturday.

Couple of funny things: my buddy Tim decided on Saturday night to see if he could drink ALL the Stella Artois at Nikki's, a cool little bar near the baordwalk in Venice that has happy hour every day of the week from 4-7. We got there about 5 pm and by the time we had left they had had to change the Stella keg twice.

Now, I'm not implying that Tim drank a whole keg of Stella by himself, but I will say that he came pretty damn close. Afterwards we went back to my place to make some food and about three minutes after he walks in the front door this is what he looked like -


Every time I saw him I Kept thinking what does that remind me of? It seems so familiar.......

All of a sudden it hit me. I have seen that same pose in The Empire Strikes Back, when Han Solo is frozen in carbonite.



Weird, huh?

Secondly, there really is Karma in surfing. On Saturday I literally ran over my buddy Christian (no, not that one) when we both took off on a wave and I thought he was going left and he thought I was going right. Instead we both did the opposite and the net result was a VERY hairy collision, with his board getting the worst of it.

So, the next day, my buddy Riley and I got our wires mixed, and the result could have (and should have) been the same.


Here you can see me going left as he prepares to drop in.



Riley, however, posesses about 10X more surfing talent than I do, and he was able to turn away before the collision.



It was a close call though, and just goes to show that you really need to pay attention out there. But no harm no foul, and we and our boards all went home in one piece.

And before you write in, yes, I know I am a fat ass, save yourself the time of calling me one.

Richard Simmons Is Persuasive

As you are probably aware there is a charged and emotional debate being waged as you read this concerning the future of Physical Education in our nation's schools. Facing severe budget cuts and the need to make some hard choices many schools have decided to eliminate that most cheirshed of all clases, gym.

That doesn't sit well with some, and the pro-P.E. crowd today trotted out its Top Gun of Gym, Richard Simmons, who achieved fame and fortune with such diverse mega-hits as "Sweating with The Oldies" and "Sweating with the Oldies II", to testify before Congress.

Fitness guru Richard Simmons urged Congress Thursday morning to keep and expand physical education in American public schools.

"What have we done to the kids of the United States of America?" Simmons told Congress Thursday, speaking passionately and shaking his hands vigorously. "This is wrong. ...I just may run for office to help really get this through."

Simmons’ testimony comes as budget cuts are forcing public schools to scale back or eliminate physical education programs. Simmons and his supporters held a rally after the testimony.

Simmons went on to say that some of his "fondest memories of high school occured in the boys' locker room" and that gym class had taught him to be "the man that I am today".

Moments after his testimony Congress voted 432-3 to permanently ban all Physical Education classes in all schools, both public and private, made teaching or attending gym a capital offense and put a $50,000 bounty on the head of all Phys. Ed. teachers.

The bill is now awaiting the President's signature; he is expected to sign it.

Venice Surf Report 07/25/08 The Boyos In The Bushes

Venice Surf Report Surf Report Southern California

There is some swell in the water, but the surfers in the water probably wouldn't say so.





Lowish tide and a very disorganized swell mix just have it plain junky, mixed up and shifty. I watched for a solid fifteen minutes and neither of the two guys out on the north side got into anything at all.





It might be (shit, has to be) better up north, especially given the tide, maybe we will see oil continue to drop and those trips will get a little bit more affordable.

Sun making an early appearance, plenty of street parking left, two out, one more getting in, overall grade a C-.

Saw Tommy early this morning.

As you can see he is reading the LA Times just like any other man of leisure, striking a rather elegant pose as befitting a man of his position.





It is a bit curious that he would be perusing the movie ads as he has no money, and even if he did it would be a tough sell getting anyone to sit next to him in the close confines of a movie theater for 2+ hours given his (lack of) personal grooming habits, but I guess a man can dream, eh?

I went over to talk to him and he had a rather interesting story to tell.



"Hey, Tommy, what's happening?" I asked.

"Not much" he replied.

"The boyos over by the bathroom?"

He shook his head and pointed over towards the bushes.



"No, they're sleeping over there now" he said. "The guys that clean the bathrooms were making them wake up too early so they moved over to the bushes, but then they were having a problem with the sprinklers turning on first thing in the morning."

"Really?"

"Yeah" he replied, "but they thought they had it figured out yesterday when they found a water valve and turned the thing off in the hopes of killing the sprinklers. Turns out what they had turned off, though, was the water supply to the bathrooms and showers, and once they had it closed couldn't get it back open. DWP came down and it took them something like 6 hours to figure out the problem."

"What about the sprinklers, they get them off?"

"Nope. But I guess they just don't care."

"I guess not" I replied.

Oh, those boyos, there's just no telling what sort of mischief they'll get into!

Something You Should Watch

Whether you like Ron Paul or not you should really watch his take on the Fannie and Freddie bailout paid for by you and me.



I love the way they say that it's only going to cost $25B yet in the same bill they raise the national debt by 800B.

I call bullshit.

Think your Job Is Tough?

There's a place in Russia where there are apparently some bears that have acquired a taste for human flesh.

Terrified workers at a mining compound in one of Russia's most isolated regions are refusing to go to work after a pack of giant bears attacked and ate two of their colleagues.

At least 30 of the hungry animals have been seen prowling close to the mines in northern Kamchatka in search of food, where the mangled remains of the two workers, both guards, were found last week.

The Kamchatka brown bear is one of the world's largest, with males growing to around three metres (10ft) and weighing up to 700kg (1,540lb). They can also reach speeds of up to 30mph (48km/h) despite their size.

I like how the two people killed were "guards". What, exactly, were they prepared to guard against? UFO's? Earthquakes? Poor fashion? Maybe these guards could get some GUNS and then they could shoot the bears.

But what do I know?

You Have Got To Be Kidding Me

Think that Wall St. deserves your tax money in the form of a bailout? Pissed because your dollar is becoming more and more worthless? Angry that you are going to foot the bill to keep housing prices unaffordable?

Well, wait til you watch this:




You know, when I worked as a bartender we took drunks and threw them the fuck out of the bar, we didn't keep giving them more and more booze. Yet that is EXACTLY what they have planned for "the drunks" on Wall St.

Unfuckingbelievable

Venice Surf Report 07/23/08 Dog vs.Squirrel

Wow - flat, flat, flat.

Low tide, drained out, no swell AND even a tiny bit onshore already.

Sounds like a good mix to me - I would get on it. The 5 surfers scattered about from the breakwater to the Marina seemed to be having a real blast surfing the ankle high rollers that are breaking in about 6 inches of water, I can't imagine why there aren't more people out.





Overcast and clammy, light onshores - and did I meantion it is FLAT?



No surfing in Venice today.

As I pulled up this morning I saw a woman holding onto her Weimaraner as he checked out something of intense interest on the tree directly in front of him. I couldn't see what it was until I walked around behind her and who should it be but Fred!



OK, maybe it's not Fred, but this squirrel sure had a lot of gumption standing up to this dog. After all, he doesn't know that owner isn't going to just let the leash drop, and the dog, while maybe just curious, sure looks like it would like to taste that squirrel.



Anyways, finally the squirrel says I have had enough and bolts up the tree.

Smart squirrel.

I Think I'm Gonna Puke

I don't know what, exactly, this commercial says about us Americans, or to whom exactly it is supposed to appeal, but I have a feeling that it was exactly these type of conversations that got a lot of people into trouble.



Notice how the subject of "do we NEED the new house or not?" never even comes up?

Why I Love My Site

You know, every once in a while I wonder: why do I do this? Why do I spend my time getting up early for people I don't know from nowhere for absolutely no compensation?

Then I get an email like this.

FYI, your site has gone from a passable surf report with occasional abuse of homeless folks to a complete self-indulgent shit show of poor financial advice, rascist, one-sided political bullshit. Reading a surf report from a kook was bad enough . . . If you were half as smart as you think you are, you'd be getting paid for financial advice instead of forcing on people who just wanna see some shots of the surf.

Now, of course, the chickenshit who wrote this hasn't got the balls to "sign it", so we haven't any idea who he/she is, but we do know one thing.

They keep reading the blog!

So, to you, dude/dudette, let me just say this. You are a moron. Whatever low wage hell in which you are currently toiling is most certainly deserved, and the pittance you are earning is due to your lack of skills. If there is a God he will surely smite you for blaspheming the one last true center of information left in this lying, thievous world.

You will not, however, die as a martyr, as your death furthers no purpose, but merely as the jackass you truly are.

So pretty please, with a cherry on top, quit fucking reading. You won't be missed and I'm pretty sure you are a sub-par human anyways.

More Self Serving Bullshit

Wow - the guys at PIMCO must really be panicked about Fannie and Freddie. Bill Gross has come out to echo what shitbird #2 - Mohammed El-Arian - said on Friday, that FRE and FNM assets are "undervalued" and a "great baragin".

From Bloomberg:

Bill Gross Says Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac Mortgages `Excellent'

By Kathleen Hays and Sandra Hernandez

July 21 (Bloomberg) -- Bill Gross, who manages the world's biggest bond fund, said mortgage-backed bonds issued by government-sponsored entities Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac are ``an excellent buy.''

``It's basically the mortgages where many buyers have stood aside,'' including sovereign wealth funds and central banks, said Gross, the managing director of Newport Beach, California- based Pacific Investment Management Co., in a Bloomberg Television interview. ``Not only do you have the agency guarantee but you have the mortgage to back you.''

Eight of the top 10 holdings in Gross's $128.8 billion Total Return Fund were mortgage-backed securities guaranteed by Fannie Mae, according to data compiled by Bloomberg News as of March 31, the latest date for which figures are available. Mortgage securities made up 61 percent of the fund as of June 30, up from 53 percent a year earlier, according to Pimco's Web site.

Cash equivalents, a category of assets with duration of less than one year, made up the second-largest portion of the fund. Duration reflects the sensitivity of a bond's price to changes in interest rates.

The Total Return fund has returned 4.7 percent annually over the past five years, beating 84 percent of its peers in the government and corporate bond fund category as of July 18, according to Bloomberg data. Pimco, a unit of Munich-based Allianz SE, has $830 billion of assets under management.

Well, if they are so goddamn "excellent", why is he telling the whole freaking world about it? I mean, why let everybody else in on your secret strategy to outperform your peers? What about some "can't miss" penny stock picks, has he got any of those?

Again, if they really are so great he would have his fucking mouth shut and be buying all he could find all while telling everyone how much they suck. Instead, he has everybody in the company babbling to the press about how "excellent" they are, and how they are "undervalued", and all the while is probably selling. Now, why would he do that????

Because when they blow up he wants YOU to own them, not him.

No direct proof but again, you don't see the coach of the Patriots publishing his game plan online the night before the Super Bowl, do you?

Something to think about.

How Unfair Is America?

Their Fair Share

Washington is teeing up "the rich" for a big tax hike next year, as a way to make them "pay their fair share." Well, the latest IRS data have arrived on who paid what share of income taxes in 2006, and it's going to be hard for the rich to pay any more than they already do. The data show that the 2003 Bush tax cuts caused what may be the biggest increase in tax payments by the rich in American history.



The above chart shows that the top 1% of taxpayers, those who earn above $388,806, paid 40% of all income taxes in 2006, the highest share in at least 40 years. The top 10% in income, those earning more than $108,904, paid 71%. Barack Obama says he's going to cut taxes for those at the bottom, but that's also going to be a challenge because Americans with an income below the median paid a record low 2.9% of all income taxes, while the top 50% paid 97.1%. Perhaps he thinks half the country should pay all the taxes to support the other half.

Aha, we are told: The rich paid more taxes because they made a greater share of the money. That is true. The top 1% earned 22% of all reported income. But they also paid a share of taxes not far from double their share of income. In other words, the tax code is already steeply progressive.

We also know from income mobility data that a very large percentage in the top 1% are "new rich," not inheritors of fortunes. There is rapid turnover in the ranks of the highest income earners, so much so that people who started in the top 1% of income in the 1980s and 1990s suffered the largest declines in earnings of any income group over the subsequent decade, according to Treasury Department studies of actual tax returns. It's hard to stay king of the hill in America for long.

The most amazing part of this story is the leap in the number of Americans who declared adjusted gross income of more than $1 million from 2003 to 2006. The ranks of U.S. millionaires nearly doubled to 354,000 from 181,000 in a mere three years after the tax cuts.

This is precisely what supply-siders predicted would happen with lower tax rates on capital gains, dividends and income. The economy and earnings would grow faster, which they did; investors would declare more capital gains and companies would pay out more dividends, which they did; the rich would invest less in tax shelters at lower tax rates, so their tax payments would rise, which did happen.

The idea that this has been a giveaway to the rich is a figment of the left's imagination. Taxes paid by millionaire households more than doubled to $274 billion in 2006 from $136 billion in 2003. No President has ever plied more money from the rich than George W. Bush did with his 2003 tax cuts. These tax payments from the rich explain the very rapid reduction in the budget deficit to 1.9% of GDP in 2006 from 3.5% in 2003.

This year, thanks to the credit mess and slower growth, taxes paid by the rich may fall and the deficit will rise. (The nonstimulating tax rebates will also hurt the deficit.) Mr. Obama proposes to close this deficit by raising tax rates on the rich to their highest levels since the late 1970s. The very groups like the Congressional Budget Office and Tax Policy Center that wrongly predicted that the 2003 investment tax cuts would cost about $1 trillion in lost revenue are now saying that repealing those tax cuts would gain similar amounts. We'll wager it'd gain a lot less.

If Mr. Obama does succeed in raising tax rates on the rich, we'd also wager that the rich share of tax payments would fall. The last time tax rates were as high as the Senator wants them -- the Carter years -- the rich paid only 19% of all income taxes, half of the 40% share they pay today. Why? Because they either worked less, earned less, or they found ways to shelter income from taxes so it was never reported to the IRS as income.

Vencie Surf Report 07/21/08 Ass Kicking Extraordinaire

Well, let's see - super low tide in Venice at 6:00 am and we all know what we get on low tides in Venice, don't we? That's right - walled up, suck out junk.

Well, guess what we have today? Walled up, sucking out junk!





I know, I was as shocked as you.

Not surprisingly nobody in the water, at least not yet. The swell is in the waist to chest high range so it's not flat, but there is really no point in getting in the water until it fills in some, say around 10 am, lasting until the high at 1 pm.





Until then I would say you are out of luck unless you feel like driving north like I did yesterday. Was a bit inconsistent but man, the crowds - there had to be 50 guys in the water at Staircase, an all time record for sure. Caught a couple nice bombs but that place just doesn't like the high tide.

No boyos out and about this morning, but the HobOlympics are DEFINITELY on for this Saturday. A hidden location near the pier and outside the jurisdiction of LAPD has been selected and the contestants are being informed this week. Due to the heightened security at this year's event it will, unfortunately, be invitation only, but what the hell - you have to qualify for the regular Olympics, why not the HobOlympics?

At any rate, stay tuned for more details. I plan on having a more comprehensive event list this year and will try to keep the chug of war the last, rather than the first, event. But we shall see.

OK - one quick thing about this latest rally in the financials. It all started last week when Wells fargo came out and "beat the street", sending financial stocks to their biggest weekly rally in decades. My contention has been that these banks are full of shit and are fudging their numbers so they can beat estimates by a penny or two. Well, turns out I was right.

According to their latest filing, Wells Fargo "took the unprecedented step of extending charge-off acknowledgment from 120 days to 160 days. This allowed the bank to move less capital to loan loss reserves and report better than expected horrible earnings."

Now, why would a bank do that? What possible rationale would they have for changing a decades old rule of saying that when someone is 120 days late we move that loan from the asset to the loss column? Is 40 days really going to change things? Is the economy going to turn around and be much, much better in 40 days so that now all these deadbeats can pay up? I don't think so. They did it for one reason: so that they could "beat the street" this quarter.

This is pure proof that these banks are lying and nothing on their balance sheets can be trusted. The consumer is tapped, mortagage and credit card delinquncies are continuing to rise, these banks are not generating new revenue and their only purpose in life right now is to keep the ship afloat for one more quarter and pray to God Almighy that some fucking miracle comes along to pull their collective chestnuts out of the fire before all of these avuian flu infected roosters they have created come home to roost.

Some numbers can't be lied about, though, and I expect we will all get a healthy dose of reality when new and existing home sales come out this week. That should start sending the banks the other way.

At any rate, I am as tired of beating on this soap box as you are reading about it, so here is something a lot more entertaining.

Fedor Emelianenko made his UFC debut this past weekend and well, let me be the first to say this guy is pretty fucking amazing. I don't know how much I would need to step in the ring with the guy but it would have to be at least enough to cover the cost of a live-in nurse, a wheelchair and a feeding tube, 'cause that is what I would need right after the fight.

Self Serving Bullshit

Wanna know why you shouldn't believe everything you read? Look at this.

Agency Debt Not Linked to Underlying Value, El-Erian Says

By Pimm Fox and Sandra Hernandez

July 18 (Bloomberg) -- Prices of debt issued by mortgage- finance companies Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac don't reflect their true value, said Mohamed El-Erian, the co-chief investment officer of Pacific Investment Management Co.

``If you look at the bonds, if you look at the preferreds, you're seeing prices that are not linked to the underlying value,'' El-Erian said in a Bloomberg Television interview. ``When the tide goes out all the boats go down. The senior parts of the capital structures in many industries are being valued at levels that don't make sense at this point.''

Mortgage securities made up 61 percent of Pimco's $128.8 billion Total Return Fund as of June 30, up from 53 percent a year earlier, according to the Newport Beach, California-based firm's Web site. The fund is run by Pimco's co-chief investment officer Bill Gross.

Pimco, a unit of Munich-based Allianz SE, has about $800 billion of assets under management.

Well, now, what the fuck do you expect the guy to say? "Oh yeah, that 80 Billion we own in Fannie and Freddie paper? Total shit - junk, actually. I wouldn't wipe my ass with it."

OF COURSE he is going to say it's undervalued. And why? Probably because he wants to sell it, and by talking it up today he can get better prices for it tomorrow!

I have no proof, but PIMCO is famous for doing this shit. Let's see what happens to spreads on Monday.

You got lost crossing the street.

You reckon that returning an unfinished keg is right on par with your father watching you gettting your ass kicked by a mime.

You get that weird tingling in your groin when you walk past a liquor store.

You take off your hat and strangers drop change into it. Not that you’re complaining.

You have proof the Bud Bowl is fixed.

Your blood will run a lawn mower.

Future generations will call you an urban legend.

M.A.D.D. has a budget line with your name on it.

You’re quite good looking when you’re plastered, and you have the mug shots to prove it.

You can sniff out a hidden bottle of scotch in under two minutes. One minute if it’s been cracked.

You don’t believe in conspiracy theories, but it seems a pretty big coincidence that none of the bars in town will let you stay after hours.

Your bar tabs impact the international price of wheat and barley.

Your hangovers can be seen from space.

You’ve heckled A.A. meetings.

You think you can influence the outcome of a football game two time zones away by yelling at a television.

I Love This Bit

Now THAT'S Couples Therapy

Not Very Reassuring

So, they just refurbished the elevators in my building downtown and I noticed these little plaques hanging under the floor buttons today.

Take a look -

(CLICK PIC TO ENLARGE)



Huh? "Little" danger that I am going to suffocate or plummet 40 stories to my death? Could we maybe define "little"? Cause I was sort of operating under the assumption that these things were neither airtight or designed to simply drop to the ground should some sort of disaster occur, and if that isn't that the case, well, I think I need a little more info.

And it never even crossed my mind that you might "run out of air" in an elevator. How the fuck does that happen?

Shit, even if it's true I don't wanna know, ok? Just let me keep thinking these things are 100% certain to work and I think we'll all be a lot happier.